Introducing Dr. C. August McGillicutty, Guest Blogger

Whiddly-wussup, homies? Scooter has invited me to become a regular guest blogger on his site. He told me that I could write about whatever the crizzap I wanted, so here's my first installment. Hopefully, I won't disappoint Scooter or you...

Let's see, what's in the news today... Apparently there's been some kind of natural disaster. Some Americans are blaming the President and his administration for not responding fast enough, but I blame Hollywood. Where are the movies about Katrina? You can churn out sequel after sequel about a certain teen wizard, but you can't make one movie about a flood? Well, I guess there was Waterworld, but who actually watched that one? Nobody, that's who. And, besides, I think those actors from Beverly Hills 90210 are available to star. They're due for comebacks.

Speaking of Hollywood, what the shit's up with all the celebrity babies? First Britkev Spederline has one, then Bennifer Garflek are about to have one, and now all celebrities want babies. I'm all for reproduction, as most ladies know, but do we need any more spoiled, weird-named tots roaming the streets of California? Give it a rest already! I'm still trying to recover from baby Apple. What's next-- a bun in the oven for Oprah and Stedman?

And speaking of sex, I just want to go on the record as saying that I love cloning! I'm all for it. Don't listen to that biased, uninformed propaganda of the religious community or the recent Star Wars prequels. Clones are awesome! If it was up to me, I'd require every human, animal, plant, and Native American to get a clone. Who couldn't use one? I know I could. My clone and I could ride through the park on one of those bicycles for two. Then we could get into all kinds of hijinks involving sexy women and running through the airport. If there's anything movies have taught us, it's that running through an airport always leads to a happy ending!

Until next time, good bloggers!

Blog on with your bad selves!

--Dr. C. August McGillicutty

Coldplay: Philips Arena - 9.28.05

I saw Coldplay in concert last night. This was the second time I've seen them live; well, third if you count the time I went to see them and the venue suddenly canceled the show due to inclimate weather, then Chris Martin and Jonny Buckland came out into the parkling lot for an impromtu acoustic performance of several songs, including "Georgia on My Mind."

This concert (at the Philips Arena) was better than the last. It rocked my face off. Literally. I have no face anymore. I'm looking into reconstructive surgery.

Anyway, they played a good mix of their old and new stuff. Some of my personal favorites were "Politik," "Yellow" (of course), "Talk," "Square One," "White Shadows," and "Don't Panic." They also covered "Ring of Fire," which was great.

The highlight of the show was when Michael Stipe (frontman of REM, for those of you who for some ungodly reason don't know) came on stage to sing "Nightswimming" while Chris played the piano. I think I passed out standing up.

Needless to say, the show was great. If you ever get the chance to see this band live, do it. Their music sounds great live (some bands tend to sound craptastic on stage, even if their albums are good), and you can really tell they love what they do and appreciate their fans.

And to top it all off, when I got home (at around two o'clock in the morning) I checked my email and found out a journal wants to publish a story of mine. Hip-hip-hooray!

Shark vs. Liger

This would be the battle of the century: a shark versus a liger. Who would emerge victorious?

Tell me who you think would win: What would the fight be like? What advantages would one creature have over the other? Would the shark devour the liger? Would the liger magically turn the shark inside out?

You must decide!

4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42... and 411

Let's be honest-- television networks are constantly struggling to find quality programming, and every year only a handful of shows stand out.

Within the past several years, however, TV has been the new go-to spot for quality entertainment, as opposed to going to the movies. With shows like 24, The Sopranos, Arrested Development, Desperate Housewives, Deadwood, Alias, The Wire, The Simpsons, Family Guy, and Six Feet Under (recently deceased), television has never been better.

And then there's Lost. No show, save for the first few seasons of The X-files, has captured the viewing public's interest as this show has. And it's no surprise. With a mix of sci-fi, horror, comedy, drama, action, and mystery (good god, the mystery), this show has found the perfect balance of being able to leave its viewers equally satisfied and craving more.

If you're not a fan of the show, what the hell are you doing on the computer reading my blog? Go right now and rent or buy the first season of Lost on DVD. If you are a fan, you know of the head-scratching puzzles of which I speak: What brought them to this island? What's the deal with Locke's "miracle"? What's the meaning of Hurley's numbers (besides being seemingly cursed, and etched into the hatch)? And, by the way, what's with that hatch (those of you who've seen the season two opener know a little something more about the hatch, but there are still many questions left unanswered)? Who are "the others"? What's that monster in the jungle? Are they dead and existing in the afterlife, or purgatory, and don't even realize it? And what the hell are polar bears doing on the island?

I'm posting this to start a discussion on your theories of the show-- any topic, as long as it relates to Lost.

Oh, and if you don't keep up regularly with the show, I'll use this opportunity to issue a spoiler warning-- people may leave comments discussing, in detail, the plots of certain episodes, so you might want to steer clear if you don't like having things ruined.

Shameless Self-Promotion

The first short story I ever had published was called "Ballad of Old Bones," which appeared in issue number 66 of Crazyhorse. The second story of mine that was published was "Trace" in a journal called Redivider (that's the magazine's picture to the right; it's the actual cover of the issue I'm in). They chose my story from the issue to post online, in addition to having it appear in print. If you'd like to give the story a look, here's the link:

http://pages.emerson.edu/publications/redivider/2.1_Hughes.html

If you care, give it a read and let me know what you think.

Review: The Corpse Bride

I know, I know. How surprising is it that I post a review of a movie starring Johnny Depp right after I post an admission of my man crush for him? Ah, so is life. Anyhoo, on with the review...

Let me start by saying that the art direction on this movie is astounding. The sets are beautifully eerie, and the puppets, while reminiscent of those from Burton's previous forray into stop-motion moviemaking (The Nightmare Before Christmas), surpsass Jack Skellington and company. At many points in the movie, you'll find yourself thinking, "This has to be computer-generated!"

But, alas, the art direction is the best aspect of the movie. That's not to say that the movie as a whole is bad, though. It does have its moments.

Victor (voiced by Depp) is the only son of the Van Dort family, members of the nouveau riche. As the movie opens, we learn that the next day he is to be married to Victoria (Emily Watson), daughter of the once-rich-but-now-poor Everglots; for her parents, the marriage is a means of regaining the wealth they somehow lost. Victor, nervous about his upcoming nuptials, escapes to the nearby creepy forest to practice his vows and while doing so mistakenly marries the Corpse Bride (Helena Bonham Carter).

It is at this point in the movie that the narrative becomes strained, as if Burton (and other writers, including John August, screenwriter of Big Fish) couldn't think of much more of a story. Some sight gags and other jokes at the expense of the ghouls that inhabit the land of the dead seem as though they were included simply to fill time. If this were a short film, say a third of the length, it would benefit from the tightening of the narrative.

The songs also feel included to mostly stretch out the movie into a full-length feature. The best song is the opening number, which is sad to say, since musically it means that it's "all downhill from there" (except, of course, for Danny Elfman's score - Burton and Elfman, a marriage made in some creepy Burtonesque netherworld). I was waiting for some of those great memorable numbers, a la Nightmare, but they never came.

All of this sounds as if I hated the movie, but that's far from the truth. It's just that I've been waiting for another Burton puppet movie for over ten years, so this movie has some big shoes to fill. It's still a great movie to see, if only for the spectacle.

Grade: B+

Man Crush?

Guys, have you ever looked at a male celebrity and thought, "Hey, I'd like to hug his muscles in a totally heterosexual way"?

Girls, have you ever gazed at a female celebrity and wondered what it would be like to cuddle spoon fashion with her on the couch?

If so, then you have a man crush (if you're a guy) or a girl crush (if you're a girl).

Over the years, I came to realize that I had a strange fascination with Johnny Depp. It wasn't sexual (I'm totally straight and married to a wonderful woman, by the way); it wasn't even romantic. And it wasn't like I wanted to be Johnny Depp, either. Strange, new feelings were brewing inside me... a man crush.

Since I am secure in my sexuality (nothing against homosexuality-- I'm all for it if that's for you) I feel like I can talk about these feelings to others. And I know I'm not the only one out there. I've talked to plenty of other people out there (guys and girls) who have these crushes on celebrities such as Vin Diesel, Tom Cruise, Kate Winslet, and Jennifer Garner.

So, speak out! Let your man (or girl) crush be known!

Here There Be Simpsons!

Anyone who knows me knows that The Simpsons is one of my favorite shows. It is also one of the best television shows of all time. That's not my opinion. It's just a fact. Sorry.

I just wanted to hear some of your favorite Simpson quotes or moments. (Or if you don't watch the show, explain to me why the hell you don't.)

Some of my favorite moments:

1. In "Bart the Daredevil": Homer attempts to jump the gorge on Bart's skateboard, only to fall to the bottom... twice.

--This is just classic television and one of the moments that defined the series early on. What makes the gag is when Homer is loaded into the ambulance, it immediately crashes, and Homer slips out the back on a stretcher and falls into the gorge again.

2. In "Treehouse of Horror X" during the segment "I Know What You Diddily-Iddly-Did": The Simpsons are riding in their car down a foggy road. Lisa says that she can't believe that they escaped from those horrible vampires, and Homer replies that it was worth it to get back their Sugar Crisp Cereal. Then he sings the Sugar Crisp jingle: "Can't get enough of that Sugar Crisp!"

--The Halloween episodes are some of my all-time favorites. I don't know exactly why this moment stands out for me. It just tickles my fancy. Yes, I said tickles my fancy.

3. In "Eight Misbehavin'": Homer and Apu break into the zoo to rescue Apu's octuplets. As they take the babies from the zoo, a mother gorilla appears at the front gates and holds her baby up for Homer to take with him, to which Homer replies, "Okay, this is getting weird."

--This moment perfectly aligns with my sense of humor. One of my friends once told me that Homer's reply in this moment sounds exactly like something I would say (although I can't imagine myself being in this situation, being offered a gorilla baby while helping a friend rescue his octuplets from the zoo).

Okay, now let's hear your favorite moments (or excuses for not watching)...

Serenity: Better Late Than Never

For fans (aka Browncoats) of Joss Whedon's critically-acclaimed, but seldom-watched, sci-fi show Firefly, the movie version-- Serenity-- seemed as though it would never arrive, if it was even produced. But now, thankfully, its release is upon us. After being pushed back from a March/April release, it will finally see the light of day next Friday, September 30th.

For those of you (and there are many) who have never seen the show, I encourage you to do so immediately. You have a week-- go out and buy or rent the complete series on DVD. There are only about sixteen episodes (some of which never aired), so you can get through them easily before next Friday. As other fans can attest, this is a show that doesn't disappoint. It is a breath of fresh air for the sci-fi genre-- and even though I like Star Trek as much as the next geek, Firefly doesn't feel boring or "diplomatic" as some Trek episodes tend to.

I'm sure that Whedon has written the movie so that newbies won't feel lost while watching, but by seeing the entire series beforehand, you can get right into the movie instead of wasting time trying to figure out what's going on.

This was a wonderful show that was cancelled before it really had time to shine (although it was shiny while it lasted). Please support Serenity when it hits theaters next week. Hopefully, this franchise, that has risen from the grave, will flourish. There is already talk of movie sequels if the first one does well.

And with Captain Tightpants, how could it not do well?